DUMBLEDORE: We are gathered here now to choose one person (who is not Harry Potter) to represent each school, but only one (who is not Harry Potter) will achieve eternal fame and glory in the Triwizard Tournament, in which Harry Potter is not old enough to compete!

[Only characters we’ve already seen in closeup are chosen: Krum, the famous one! Cedric, the pretty one! Fleur, the uppity one!]

SNAPE: Professor…? About that…

THE GOBLET OF FIRE: *coughHARRYPOTTERcough*

[All the professors race downstairs so everyone can shriek at Harry in privacy, while the newly-chosen champions watch uncomfortably.]

MOODY: Oh, come on, Potter didn’t do it! Look at the kid, he can’t even comb his hair!

DUMBLEDORE [throttling]: DID YOU DO IT, HARRY? DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET? ANSWER ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT! JUST GO AHEAD AND DIE IF YOU’RE THAT STUPID, SEE IF I CARE!

HARRY [choking]: This—this is not mellow!

FLEUR: L’awkward.

ANGIER: WOLVERINE COULD TOTALLY KICK BATMAN’S ASS.

BORDEN: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

[And thus, a rivalry is born.]

OLIVIA: So what you’re saying is, you want me to go to Borden, offer to work for him, tell him you sent me to find out his secrets, and then somehow actually get him to tell me his secrets?

ANGIER: Basically, yeah.

OLIVIA: You realize that this is probably going to involve me sleeping with him?

ANGIER: Ride ‘em, cowgirl.

BORDEN: So what you’re saying is, Angier sent you here to work for me and fake me out by telling me you really came to find out my secrets, but you really really came here to sell him out? And I’m supposed to believe that?

OLIVIA: You’re forgetting that I also kind of hate him now.

BORDEN: Hey, we have something in common, then.

OLIVIA: So, sex?

BORDEN: Sure thing.